Perfectionism can look like being driven, responsible, or successful from the outside. Internally, it can feel exhausting as though nothing you do is ever quite good enough.
You may set extremely high standards for yourself, spend hours trying to get things exactly right, repeatedly check your work, compare yourself to others, or avoid starting something because you’re afraid you won’t do it perfectly. Even when you accomplish something, your mind may immediately focus on what could have been better or move the goalpost.
Perfectionism is often less about wanting to be perfect and more about trying to avoid mistakes, criticism, failure, uncertainty, or the feeling of disappointing someone. It can become intertwined with anxiety, OCD, eating disorders, achievement, body image, and relationships.
Perfectionism
Types of Perfectionism
Feeling Like Your Best Is Never Good Enough
You may set incredibly high expectations for yourself and have a hard time feeling proud of what you accomplish. Even when something goes well, your mind may quickly focus on what you could have done better or what you need to achieve next.
Putting Pressure on Yourself to Always Be Productive
You may feel like you should always be doing more, working harder, or using your time “better.” Fear of making mistakes or not doing something perfectly can lead to overworking, procrastinating, repeatedly checking your work, or having a hard time allowing yourself to rest.
Trying to Get Relationships “Right”
You may put pressure on yourself to be the perfect partner, friend, family member, or coworker—or have strong expectations for how relationships should be. Mistakes, conflict, disappointing someone, or feeling like you've fallen short can be especially difficult to tolerate.
Feeling Pressure to Look a Certain Way
Perfectionism can also show up in how you relate to your body and appearance. You may compare yourself to others, focus on perceived flaws, or feel pressure to reach a certain weight, shape, or appearance before you'll feel good enough. For some people, these expectations can also become intertwined with body image concerns or disordered eating.
How This Can Affect You
Feeling Anxious or Always “On”
When you’re constantly trying to get things right, it can be hard to relax. You may spend a lot of time worrying about mistakes, second-guessing yourself, preparing for what could go wrong, or feeling like there’s always something else you should be doing.
Being Afraid to Get It Wrong
When making a mistake feels unacceptable, avoiding the possibility altogether can feel safer. You may procrastinate, overprepare, repeatedly check your work, struggle to make decisions, or avoid trying something new unless you’re confident you’ll do it well.
Feeling Like Your Worth Depends on How Well You’re Doing
Perfectionism can make mistakes or setbacks feel like they say something about you rather than simply being part of being human. Your confidence may become tied to your performance, productivity, appearance, or how other people see you.
Feeling Burned Out or Discouraged
Constantly pushing yourself toward an impossible standard can be exhausting. When your accomplishments never seem to feel like enough, you may start to feel overwhelmed, discouraged, disconnected from things you once enjoyed, or burned out from always trying to do more.
You Don’t Have to Get Everything Right to Be Doing Enough
Perfectionism can make it feel like your high standards are the reason you succeed and that letting go of them means settling for less. Therapy can help you learn the difference between striving for what matters to you and feeling like you have to get everything right. Together, we can work on responding differently to mistakes, uncertainty, and self-criticism while building a sense of worth that isn’t dependent on how much you accomplish or how well you perform.